


Doki Doki Science Lab

by FoffleSnave



Category: Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Dating Sim but the characters are aware but cannot resist the power of programming, Gordon was a separate AI who was commenting on the players action, Inspired by Doki Doki Literature Club!, Interactive, Just a little a horror as a treat, Multi, Psychological Horror, Reader-Insert, The characters will be unable to control their romantic feelings, dating sim, player is not gordon, pre-fic played out just like HLVRAI but was not streamed to the world, reader is not wayne, reader is the player of a dodgy version of half life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:27:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25712083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FoffleSnave/pseuds/FoffleSnave
Summary: After going through the events of HLVRAI and coming out of it needing some therapy and a cuddle, you return to your computer to find that the odd version of Half-Life has been replaced with something called 'Sweet Mesa'. Curiosity gets the better of you and you enter the world of a dating sim, with all your favourite AIs! But something seems a little odd... and you still can't shake your previous experiences with them from your mind.
Relationships: Reader & Everyone but not in a good way
Comments: 31
Kudos: 85





	1. Sweet Mesa

**Author's Note:**

> Please be aware that this work will contain Canon-Typical Violence and Horror from both Half-Life and Doki Doki Literature Club. While I don't intend to have any of the AI do what Sayori or Yuri do, and most of the violence/injures will be written off in a manner similar to HLVRAI, where you just get up from death after a short nap, you should still be cautious in reading this work. This work will contain the AI being uncertain of their existence, being forced to act in love due to programming and self-destructive behaviour(though in a computer/AI setting). I would recommend you are aware of the content of Doki Doki Literature Club before you begin reading, so you can judge if this will be a safe experience for you. Chapter Notes will be used to alert the reader of alarming content when necessary, so please look at these if you are unsure.
> 
> Thank you, take care of yourself, and enjoy!

"I KNOW THERE'S A WORLD IN YOUR DREAMS AND I NEED TO GO THERE"

You snap awake, your body taken over by rapid breathing and trembling. It takes you a good few minutes of deep breathing and gripping onto your bed covers before you can shift the fear from your mind and think rationally. 

It was only a game.

It was just AI.

You are safe.

You push your hands up your face, double-checking. No headset. You're in your bed, at home and there are no scientists or security guards looming over you. You just got linked to some dodgy website by a friend, downloaded and played a bootleg version of Half-Life, which must have been made by some random dude in an attempt to bring about a real-life creepypasta. That was it. Unnerving sure, but nothing to dwell on. Sure, it'd warded you off the computer for 3 days (and you damn well usually lived on there), but at this point, it was getting silly. You needed to just move on… and maybe run another virus scan or two.

The rest of the night is spent restlessly, for no matter how logical you could be about it, your brain sure did love to ride the fear train, straight into "What if they were alive" station. You had almost felt compelled to keep playing, even after the arm incident had left you feeling phantom pains once the headset was off, even as you swear you felt Coomer's eyes on you when you tried to sleep that night. You could have stopped, of course. You had just been curious about how it would end.

And hell, what an ending. Nonsensical, bizarre, dramatic and honestly just a big fucking relief. It was all just some silly thing that culminated in what you could only assume was the game creators urge to force across his view on Chuck. E Cheese. There wasn't anything supernatural going on here.

Still… Coomer's message had stuck with you. You never really had got to choose though. When you were finished, you had been rather disoriented and clumsily tripped over the power cable. The game had closed… for good. Maybe that was for the best. You didn't want to consider the nonsense that might if occurred if you'd tried to grab the character files. Your PC probably would have been bricked… that's it of course. Because the AI was just that. Nothing more. Not alive. There was no one to save…

When you finally submitted to the fact that you weren't going to get any decent sleep and pushed yourself out of bed, you were hit by a wave of dizziness that almost forced you back down. This had to stop. You were going to go down, turn on your PC and see nothing more than a bunch of games and programs.

And that is what you saw. You hovered your mouse over each icon, reading the names slowly and checking everything was as it should be. It was fine… now just to check the program files and delete that nonsense once and for all.

You open the Start Menu, only to notice an icon you don't recognise. It… appears to be the Black Mesa Icon, layered over a pink heart. The program is labeled as 'Sweet Mesa'. What the fuck. Ok. This has to be some kind of virus. You go to open up your antivirus, but your finger slips and you click. Or. Had you done so on purpose, out of unconscious curiosity? You're not sure, but your cursor was still over the icon. A window opens.

Upbeat music begins to play as a menu and images of several people fade in. Gordon Freeman stands in the center of the group, dressed in a lab coat and no HEV suit in sight. He's doing an odd little pose, leaning forward towards you eagerly while holding a clipboard. He's grinning and a soft blush grazes his cheeks.

You repeat it again. What the fuck?

Your eyes move over to the other members of the group. The standard Half-Life scientist models, now 2D and smiling away. But of course, you know them by other names. And judging by the handful of flames in one scientist's hand and propeller hat on another's head, it's most definitely meant to be them specifically. 

Tommy is standing to the left of Gordon, his propeller spinning away as he gently bounces up and down. The animation is pretty damn adorable. Sunkist is peeking out from behind his legs, still a flat jpeg.

Coomer is just behind and to the left of Tommy, a little flower crown upon his head. His arms are pulled up to his chest and his hands are balled up, though it appears to be from excitement. He's grinning away, looking like he might just explode, eyes opening and then squeezing shut as he gets more excited and bounces on the spot.

Bubby is standing separate from the group, on the right and about a person away from Gordon. He's turned sideways, giving a sly glance towards the screen, while a handful of flames flicker in a heart shape. He gives you a flash of his teeth every few moments, as a small smile forces its way onto his face. 

Dear God, it's a dating sim.

Maybe you should have expected this. Considering the bizarre interactions Benrey had made towards either you or Gordon(it was hard to tell), it kind of made sense that the creator of that would also make this. But also, seriously? After all the effort that had clearly gone into the Half-Life VR with AI program (no matter how weird it was you could tell it was pretty damn advanced), had this person also just shoved in a dating sim? As some kind of reward for clearing the game? What is going on here?

The music starts from the beginning as it completes its first round while you contemplate the situation. It would probably be best to close this program and purge your system of its existence. But honestly, at this point either your computer's already fucked or there's nothing malicious about this. You. Probably backed your stuff up recently right? No? Well… it'll be fine. Just. Maybe a little peek into the madness?

You notice that Gordon is hopping up and down at this point, waving his arms at you. You move your mouse over to him and smiles, cupping his hands so the cursor sits in them. Gently moves his thumb over it as though he was rubbing it. God that's cute. He makes a head movement, indicating towards the 'New Game' option. Coomer is nodding eagerly and Tommy flaps his hands as you move your cursor from Gordon's hold and over to the button. Bubby gives a little knowing smirk.

You click.

The window goes black.

Appearing shortly after were the words 'Sweet Mesa' above a little loading image of a heart-shaped beaker being filled with chemicals, until it reaches the top, turns a bright pink colour and bubbles over.

Welcome to Sweet Mesa.


	2. Look Gordon, A Tutorial!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doctor Coomer is here to guide you into the world of dating scientists! And chairs- not dating chairs though...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No major warnings for this chapter

"HELLO USER"

Coomer's rather overenthusiastic greeting makes you jump and almost fall from your seat. Maybe you should have expected that. You try and calm your breathing, but notice your stomach twisting slightly. Those nightmares have left you more than a little unsettled with Coomer's presence.

Yet, as you focus on your screen again, it's hard to actually be afraid. The background is of a well-lit room with comfy looking sofas and chairs. Coomer is in the middle, still wearing that flower crown and smiling brightly at you, holding a hand out in greeting. He looks incredibly soft and friendly like this, like a goddamn puppy in human form. Those old 3D models certainly didn't do your mind any favours when combined with the terrifying events. Unhinging jaws and blank eyes still linger in the back of your mind. This is a lot better. You relax…

And then wonder what the Hell you're meant to do.

A glance around the screen reveals no obvious ways to progress forward. No options, no dialogue choices, and pressing escape does nothing. You're starting to wonder if this is just some Coomer desktop wallpaper with a fancy dressing. But, you know how some games are and you're far too curious at this point to give up. So you glide your mouse over the screen, the cursor now larger and pink, looking for some interaction. You notice a change when you glide over Coomer's forehead. The mouse becomes a small hand, doing a patting motion. You click.

He makes a little squeaky toy noise, then glances away with a hand over his mouth, clearly embarrassed. Why? Why is this so cute?

"Ah! Sorry about that! You startled me! While I certainly don't mind, I do believe that you need to shake my hand in order to progress!"

Oh. Ok yeah. This wasn't exactly intuitive but it does make sense somewhat. You're tempted to pat his forehead again for more squeaky toy noise serotonin, but you resist and slide the mouse down to his hand. It changes into a little hand once more, doing a shaking motion this time. Click.

"How wonderful to meet you at last, USER. You brought us from Hell and back. Without your guidance, we couldn't have survived the resonance cascade. It's so exciting to get this opportunity to work with you!"

You feel a little uncomfortable again. This was set after the conclusion of Half-Life? After you'd left all the AIs in the PC? And it doesn't seem like your playing as Gordon this time, considering Coomer seems stuck calling you USER. You're a separate person, you're exposed directly to them-

It's just a game. 

Besides, it doesn't seem like any of the AI are holding ill will towards you. They all seemed pretty eager on the menu screen. What could they do to you anyway? Mentally scar you all over again-... ok let's not go down that thought path. Let's just play a silly dating sim. You look towards Coomer and he continues.

"Don't be alarmed by my knowledge! Yes, we are aware you are not Gordon and you… were, ah, pulling some strings, as it were. No harm done in the end! Quite the opposite in fact! Gor-Gor HELLO- Gordon is rather grateful for your assistance. He reckons he would have been unable to act without your… influence!"

So. Seems we're continuing in the vein of self-aware AI, perhaps even more aware than before. And Coomer's still having the occasional Gorden crisis. Well, it probably is still using the same AI system, so that makes sense. 

"HELLO GOR- USER-. That seems rather impersonal. Perhaps you would be willing to give me your name… or is that too presumptuous of me?"

A little box comes up to input your name. Currently 'USER' is in the box. You move your mouse over to the box and prepare to put in your name. You press backspace and begin typing…

'USER' remains in the box.

Huh. Perhaps whoever programmed this never got around to adding the keyboard input? It seems a little weird priority wise, to make complex AI but not a proper name system. Well. You should expect weird by now. You go to click the confirmation tick but it's greyed out. Apparently you do need to give it a name, but you have no way to do so. You start just clicking aggressively on the box as though that might somehow make the coding suddenly click together and work. You feel a little bad leaving Coomer hanging there…

There's a raspberry sound, in quiet but crunchy audio, and the word in the box changes. It now says 'Passport'. The tick now is green. You kind of just stare and rub your face. Ok. Sure. Your name is Passport. Why the fuck not?

"Oh? Passport? What a… an unusua----"

The game stalls for a moment. You blink and the screen flickers. Coomer seems unaware of this.

"Oh! Passport! Why, your name is beautiful! And unique! Now I can process these papers properly and begin the tutorial!"

Oh, a tutorial? You're pretty sure you know how dating sims work but I guess there's no harm in seeing what's what. Coomer beams and points towards a little book icon in the top left corner.

"If you click here, or press the escape key, you can access the pause menu! You'll find information on your potential suitors, inventory, and options! You can also quit from there, but I'm sure that's not needed yet! Honestly I rather wish we didn't have to use the term escape key! I rather hope you don't feel it necessary to escape…"

He looks a little sad. You stop on your journey over to the icon and instead move back to put your cursor in his hand. He perks up a little at that, gently bouncing the cursor in his hand. He glances up, seeming to meet your eyes, though he surely can't see you. He looks serious for a moment.

"I hope you can forgive me for my previous actions…"

You just nod. You can't really hold everything against him, he was desperate. And he seems to be regretful-

You stop for a moment. God, you're not even far into this game and you're starting to care about these little AIs. But you need to ground yourself. They aren't real… don't get attached…

"Passport? May I continue my tutorial?"

Oh. Right. There's a dialogue option on screen now. 'Of course' or 'Absolutely'. Ok. Not much of a choice but let's go for 'Of course'

"Perfect! That was a dialogue choice! You should always consider your options before you respond, so you can gain maximum affection! But don't worry if you pick incorrectly. You're so delightful that I'm sure none of us will hold it against you- you- you- HELLO HELLO- Could you be so kind as to open the menu for me?"

So this is one of those 'you can't fuck up' dating sims. It's always a little bit odd when the game tries to compensate for you if you mess up, but it is nice not to worry over it. You nod at Coomer's request and tap the escape key. A little menu pops up. The first thing you notice is three little portraits, Gordon, Tommy, and Bubby, with bars beside them and a little heart at the bottom. The bars are all almost empty right now. There's a blue scroll bar on the right, though it appears to stretch all the way from top to bottom. That's what's on the right side of the screen. The left side has a bunch of empty item slots. Underneath that are 'Options' and 'Quit'. All seems simple enough.

Coomer pops up in the lower right corner, looking like a little shimeji, simplified but absolutely adorable. You feel a little curious about how similar he might be to one. You mouse over him and click. He squirms and laughs as you pick him up.

"H-hey! Hello HELLO- Passport! I can't give you a tutorial if you hold me hostage like this!"

You put him down and he makes another squeaky toy noise. He sits for a moment, just grinning away.

"R-right. So, as you can see, you have your potential suitors and their affection towards you, displayed by a simple bar! Maximum affection is your aim here and-"

He pauses and looks puzzled at the portraits, before gently tapping at the scroll bar… but nothing happens.

"Why… where… I'm not-"

Actually that is a little odd. Coomer's not one of the options? He was on the title screen. And for that matter, where's Benrey? Sure, you 'killed' him, but this is a silly dating sim, that isn't going to really matter here, right? Benrey seemed like he'd… be pretty fitting for this whole thing with his teasing and flirting. Perhaps it wasn't fully completed? I mean it was questionable whether the VR AI was a complete experience, nevermind this weird little bonus project. You glance at Coomer. He looks puzzled and… upset? You move your cursor over to him, but he suddenly leaps across the screen, grinning again.

"HELLO GOR- The tutorial must continue! As you can see, this is your inventory! I don't know how it works but you can carry many things here! Even chairs! Nature is beautiful!"

He actually puts a chair in your inventory. Uh. Good? I'm sure that'll be useful later? He indicates towards the options, explaining a few things and also mentioning that you can click the portraits to see the information you've gathered about the characters, such as likes and dislikes. All pretty standard. Coomer glances towards you, suddenly looking shy.

"Ah… now we reach the- Hello PASSPORT- Part. Of course, you can choose to skip this section if you so wish"

You don't think that "Hello Passport" is a part of the tutorial, but you're not actually sure what he does mean. You just select to continue with the tutorial. Coomer grins and has stars in his eyes.

"Wonderful! Of course, this is only a practice date, but still, I am excited you opted in for this learning experience!"

The background changes to an outdoor setting. There's a little fountain in the background, the source of the flowing water sounds. A relaxing music track plays. Coomer walks over to the center of the screen, full-sized once again.

"Now, when partaking in dating it is important to be aware of the various actions available to you. You can offer gifts, take part in conversation, or perform affectionate actions! You may also encounter minigames that will serve as a method to perform various activities with your date! Now to begin, would you please say 'Hello' to me?"

The dialogue choices are back. 'Hello' or 'Goodbye'. You are tempted to see what he says to 'Goodbye', but you'll play along for now. Upon selecting the option, little hearts float off Coomer.

"As you can see, I rather enjoyed that! My affection for you has increased. Now, perhaps you could offer me a gift? I'm rather fond of chairs! Select it in your inventory and then give it to me!"

How… romantic? And huh, guess that chair does have a use. You open the menu and pick the slot with the chair. It appears in place of your cursor on screen and the pause menu closes. You move it onto Coomer. Click.

"AH A CHAIR! One of the basic pieces of furniture, a chair is a type of seat. Its primary features are two pieces-"

Oh no… not the Wikipedia article. Is this part of the date? Are you going to have to sit through the article? You look it up on your phone… we might be here for a while. You sort of just lean back in your chair. You don’t have anywhere to be right now.

"Chairs vary in design. An armchair has armrests fixed to the seat- Seat. Seat. Seat. Soda. HELLO GOR- PASSPORT"

You look at the screen and wait. Has he finished his bit?

"One of the basic pieces of furniture, a chair is a type of seat-"

Well, that's broken then. He's clearly stuck in a loop. You feel pretty bad about it, but you eye the skip button at the bottom of the screen. He did say that you were so delightful that they wouldn't hold this against you… as he starts over for the third time, you mutter 'sorry' and press to skip.

"O-oh… how silly of me. Of course, I'm sure you're an expert at communication and the like… don't need an old fool showing you how-"

Oh no. That's not what you meant! You just didn't want to hear about chairs for all eternity. You want to get that across but he can’t possibly hear you and a moment later he shudders and perks up again.

"Not to worry, Passport! If you need my assistance, just let me know! But I will stop blathering on now and allow you to meet the others- HELLO GORDON!"

You almost don't register Gordon walking on screen because you're so used to the random hellos. He waves to you, revealing a noticeable scar on his right arm as he does so.

This is going to be weird.


	3. Hello, Gordon!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time to meet the man himself, Gordon Freeman! He has a few things to say to you.

"Hey, Doctor Coomer!"

"Ah, Hello Gordon! GORDON- HELLO- G- meet Passport'

Seeing Gordon onscreen is a little odd after you spent so long in his point of view, seeing nothing but arms and legs. The sprite is pretty cute, his hair is tied back in a messy ponytail, and he's dressed in your standard scientist lab coat. Through the opening in the front, you can see a smart-looking black shirt and a bright orange tie. He's standing up straight, one arm behind his back, the other at his side, holding a pen. There's an irritated look on his face and you hear what you can only assume is a sharp exhale of air through his nose. His eyes switch between looking to the side where Coomer is and directly at you. It's a bit unnerving, like he can actually see you.

"Passport?! Are you fucking with me right now-"

That muffled raspberry sound plays again and the screen flashes green for a second. Gordon looks dazed, his eyes no longer focused on you, instead gazing up at seemingly nothing. Both his arms are at his sides now, hands stretched open (did he drop the pen?). There's a blank expression on his face as his textbox pops up.

"Passport… of course…yes, howdy Passport!" 

You're starting to get a little weirded out by all this, but Gordon snaps out of it and switches to his smiling self after a moment, waving and bouncing a little. He looks genuinely thrilled about this. Once he's stopped wiggling in excitement, he leans forward, looking like he'll hang on every word you'll say.

"It's great to finally meet you, it wasn't the same while you were in me!"

Phrasing Gordon. Coomer just raises an eyebrow and looks towards you, knowingly.

"Uh- uh. I mean. Haha. When you were inside- uh… within… I mean. When you and me were, you know..."

Now he's just doing weird little hand motions, interlocking his fingers and then pulling them apart. That isn't helping in any way. A steady blush is forming on his face.

"When you were controlling my body- uh. Moving my- commanding- instructing- connecting inside- uhh. When. You."

Is this why he doesn't speak in the original game?

"IT'S LOVELY TO MEET YOU NOW"

He looks flustered as Hell, this is one anxious man. Coomer has shuffled off-screen, perhaps out of respect for Gordon. Or to laugh. Either way, it does seem to help a little, having only one person to focus on. Gordon seems to steady himself and switch to a calm expression.

"I hope you aren't too worried about what happened. I… didn't exactly agree to having my body… well… piloted around like a robot, but I imagine it wasn't your intention to take over like that… you just thought it was a game. Honestly… I doubt I could have handled it without you with me. We may perform some… rather out-there experiments here at Black Mesa but. This was. A lot more than I expected. I'm relieved we survived in the end…"

You feel odd looking directly at him when he speaks. When you finally lift your eyes back to the screen you see he had also looked down while speaking. He stays silent for a little bit, his text box simply displaying '...' for a while. You wiggle the mouse and gently tap on his head. He jumps a little and meets your eyes.

"Ah! Sorry I...Well… anyway… now I guess we get to spend time together, properly. I'm looking forward to that! Dr Coomer says you've been assigned to help me today! But first on the agenda is a facility tour! I know you've already seen plenty, but it is a bit different when it's not overrun with alien-controlled zombies and the military, all while falling apart! So, well, could you follow me?"

Gordon disappears from the screen. A moment later tiny Coomer appears in the bottom left corner and taps at the side. He speaks, but his voice is lowered.

"Hello Passport! Seems Gordon isn't as aware that you need a little guidance with certain actions! Not to worry! I will always be here to help you! Just move your mouse over to the edge of the screen and tap there! Look! A pointer change! We can use this to see where we can goooo-woooauh"

You were following Coomer's instructions, but the moment you clicked to move, the scene had shifted to the other side of the room and he had dramatically slid along the bottom of the screen as it did so. He bumped against the right edge of the window when the transition finished and was now a little pile of scientist. Oh dear. You move your cursor over to him and he grabs onto it to lift himself up.

"Ah! That was quite unexpected! But rather fun, don't you think? Oh, I do love a good little throw around! Look! It's Gordon! Click on him to approa- Ah- wait, wait, actually, before you do let me just…"

He ducks down below the screen, giving a little thumbs up before disappearing completely. Guess that's your signal to move. Point and click system, pretty standard stuff. You click on Gordon, who is standing in a doorway. The background changes once more and you're now in a hallway.

"You ok? You took a little while- a perfectly normal amount of time to come over! Great! Just down this way is biological research! We, uh, had to put Bubby back in his tube. Overexerted himself a bit at the party I think."

Gordon laughs, hand on the back of his head. His face really lights up when he's happy.

"Oh, I wish you could have seen him dance. I don't know if I'll ever see a performance like that again. Ah, anyway, he'll… probably be pleased to meet you? Uh? Pleased as he can get? Heh..."

He smiles and points in the other direction.

"Or, down that way is the staff room! I think Tommy should be on his break shortly so he'll be reading the noticeboard there! And he said he was bringing Sunkist with him today!

We'll have time to do both today, then we'll head to my laboratory after- if, uh, that's ok with you, of course. I mean I know you've been assigned there but, uh, Black Mess doesn't tend to. Ask. About anything. I guess I assumed to I… uh... So I mean it's fine if you just want to not, I mean, it's weird so uh, haha, ahh…"

There are a few textboxes of '...' and one awkward looking Gordon on-screen, rubbing his right forearm. Guess he started to think about certain things a little too much. You're honestly not sure what to do here. Even if you do have advice for him, there's no obvious way to input it within the limitations of the game. You try speaking into the microphone, a few "hey, it's ok", "take your time", "take some slow deep breaths if you can?", but you soon feel pretty silly. You're just talking to yourself, in an attempt to tell an AI to try breathing. Before you can ponder about the consequences of the VR experience that might have had on you to lead to this thinking, Gordon finds his voice.

"So, uh, I guess. You should. Get some choice, ha, uh, where do you want to go first?"

The options appear. 'Staff Room' or 'Biological Research'. Well? Where do you want to go first?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vote Is Now Closed!  
> Results:  
> Biological Research: 17 Votes  
> Staff Room: 16 Votes 
> 
> We'll be heading to Biological Research Next!


	4. Biological Research

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Results from the previous chapter:  
> Biological Research: 17 Votes  
> Staff Room: 16 Votes
> 
> It's time to meet Bubby!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for mild glitchy weirdness and eating an orange incorrectly

You hover over the two options for quite some time. You're feeling pretty indecisive about this. Initially, you're drawn to Tommy(and Sunkist. Bonus pupper!), it feels like he'd be the easiest to get started with. But Bubby could be pretty amusing, and considering you're still feeling unnerved, maybe you could do with a laugh. Also worth considering is that out of the two of them, Bubby is probably more likely to get offended if he found out you came to him second. Oh no, you can already hear him complaining. 'Oh my God, you chose a mere child over me?! Here I was, stuck alone in my damn tube, the best member of the science team, the alpha male, and you went to **_Tommy_** first?!" (Bubby he's 36… wait 37). After probably far too long, you still don't have a clear choice, but this is just a dumb dating sim, let's not use up too many of our brain cells on it. And for that matter, let's avoid getting any grief. In a momentary decision, you click on "Biological Research".

No going back now.

Gordon grins at you "Getting the old bastard out of the way first, huh? Ha, I'm kidding, God, don't tell him I said that. He's got a good heart under there if you dig deep enough. Oh and definitely don't tell him I said that either!" He's grinning again, beckoning towards you. The scene change happens automatically.

Before you is a dimly lit room, tinged in blue from the large tube in the middle. There's a scientist suspended in a blue fluid, glasses floating next to his face and a few wires and tubes coming off him that go up to the top of the tube, presumably linking to various machines on the outside. You can see a heart rate, glucose levels and a bunch of other measurements you aren't completely sure of. 

A sprite pops up on screen. Bubby is tinted blue and snoozing. Little 'ZZZs" float up from his mouth. Ah yes. Sleepy goop Bubby. Scientist floating in goo. That's him, there he is. You aren't sure what you're meant to do as you spend an entire minute waiting for something to happen. A little wiggle of the mouse seems to make him stir. "..." in the text box. Perhaps the intention is for you to tap on the tube? Disturbing him seems like a terrible idea though.

Your attempt to be patient is interrupted by Gordon appearing on the side of the screen. There's a little pause where you try mouthing 'no' at the screen but to no avail. A thunking sound is heard and a little scene pops up of Gordon tapping on the glass… then sprinting to the other side of the room.

There's angry sputtering and a little animation of Bubby pressing himself up against the glass. His claw-like fingers scratch against it for a bit, making a dreadful noise. Flames encase his hands and he hisses "I told you not to fucking do that, Gordon! Why have you brought some idiot with you to ogle at me?"

That escape button seems pretty tempting right now, huh?

"Good morning to you too, Bubby! I did think about just watching you sleeping but-"

"Don't fucking do that either! I'm not a shit baby like you who wants the world to watch me!"

Gordon just laughs "Did you want to meet our friend here or not?" He's gesturing towards you. Why do you want to give an awkward little wave when they can't even see it? 

Bubby meanwhile is flailing a bit in the liquid as he grabs for his glasses to get a proper look at you. His face seems to light up when he realises… for a second. Then he turns to glare at Gordon.

"You did ask to see them, you were pretty insistent-"

"Shut up! Don't tell them that!" Bubby's sprite finally switches to facing you. "Took you long enough to get here! I've been stuck in this damn tube, waiting for this. Not that I fucking care about this meeting. I've got a great deal of important research to do!"

"Within the tube?"

"Shut up!"

Gordon sighs and switches to an apologetic look towards you. "Ok, well. Passport, Bubby. Bubby, Passport."

You don't even get a prompt before Bubby starts running his mouth. "Ugh. What a _delight_! Finally. Oh my God. It's not like I've been waiting all goddamn morning for this or anything. Or that I care. Shut up! Idiot!"

Oh no. No, you can read where that is going from a mile off. If he ends up being written as tsundere, you are going to finally have an aneurysm from this entire experience. Please, Bubby, for the sake of your mind.

"We chose to come to you first, Bubby, calm down" this is said in a tone that knows the opposite of calming down is going to happen.

"As you should have! But that's not good enough! You know I'm the coolest member of the science team! I can't believe they still had to meet you before me, Gordon!" 

"Oh ok, I see the problem here. What order would you have had Passport see us in?" 

"Well they would start with me, of course, then Coomer, then they could deal with Tommy… and then… hmm… I think The Rocket Launch Announcement Voice"

Gordon's trying not to laugh too hard but he's not succeeding "Dude, what the fuck, that voice isn't part of the team! I can't believe you'd put a voice over me. A voice that says 'Rocket Launch Good!"

"I can't believe you'd judge someone for their grammar Gordon! This is why you come last!"

"Well, at least I placed" this is the voice of an exasperated man. He still seems amused by Bubby trying to roast him at least, but maybe he was hoping for a better outcome when it came to you? You can't really be sure. The main indication of that is that he seems to keep trying to push the conversation subject back onto you. "So, got anything to say to Passport?"

There's a pause and Bubby's sprite wiggles a little, before turning away. You barely hear the little "thank you", though the textbox does give it away. Quieter than before is an "It's nice to meet you", which you only pick up on because you're listening closely thanks to the previous message. This ends up being a mistake as Bubby suddenly yells 'W-Well?!" Sounds like he's trying to feign anger, but the little wobble in his voice betrays his concern. While you recover from Bubby screams right in your ear ASMR, two options pop up on screen. 

"It's nice to meet you too!"

"This s- %ÈŚ*M₩ÝŽ(×ĶÙ§*HEL@QŔL;£!?"

  
  


The box becomes gibberish before you even have time to read it. A little message flashes up in the top left corner for a moment. "Error: String Not Found" Uh oh. That doesn't seem good. The screen appears to be frozen with the message overlayed on top and no obvious way to clear it. The music and sound effects have completely cut out. You shake your mouse a few times for good measure.

Bro. Put it Back

What? You swear you heard something...Hello?-

The screen flashes and the sounds all start up again, a little distorted for a second. There are two options before you.

"It's nice to meet you too!"

"This sucks!"

Whatever you may think of the situation, perhaps it's best not to pick the option that was clearly broken 10 seconds ago. Besides, surely you aren't feeling that rude, are you? Even if Bubby is being one Hell of a bastard himself. Yeah, let's just be polite. That option is clicked.

"...Well of course it is!" Ok. Maybe it wouldn't have been that bad to pick the second option. There's a sigh and Gordon appears back on-screen.

"What is up with you? Did you not get your coffee this morning?" Gordon teased.

"... No, I… think they forgot about me this morning" Oh. Oh don't sound so sad, you can't handle that. There's a stomach rumbling sound just to add to the pity of it all. "Don't suppose you have… anything on you?" 

Oh. Gordon looks a little awkward and whispers sorry, before checking his own pockets and giving a little shrug. He looks towards you. Oh god, were you meant to pick something up? Were you supposed to go to the staff room first and get a snack? Please don't let this be a game where you'll fail unless you're psychic or sitting with a guide in your face, because you doubt there's any guides online for "Dodgy Half-Life Post Game Dating Sim". You could check at least and open up the pause menu to check your inventory. You know, just in case the chair from earlier is back in there and Bubby eats chairs? Of course, it's empty. You linger there for a moment and tiny Coomer pops up at the bottom of the screen, having a little peek.

"Ah! It seems you don't have any snacks for Bubby! Not to worry! I believe I can help! Hello, hello, hello- look- it's me! We can use me- I'm- snack!"

Uhhh. Well. That's uh. Some words to think about right there. You don't think trying to feed Coomer to Bubby is a good idea at all. Thankfully it turns out that isn't his intention as he bounces his way up to your inventory gleefully adds a coffee and an orange. You have gained one (1) cup of coffee, perfectly made to Bubby's tastes and one (1) orange. The orange is the fruit of various citrus species in the family Rutaceae; it primarily refers to Citrus × sinensis, which is also called sweet orange-

Ok, let's stop mousing over the orange before the entire Wikipedia article tries to load into the tiny flavour textbox and bursts through your screen. You tap Coomer (squeaky…) in thanks and close the pause menu. There's now a little pink tab at the bottom of the screen where the textboxes usually appear, and mousing over it makes it slide up to reveal your inventory. Guess that makes it easier than having to move in and out of the pause menu, now you have multiple items(though, you'll absolutely still go into your inventory proper to read the item descriptions because there's bound to be something amusing in there). You tap on the coffee and click on Bubby.

"Pour it in the top, I can't clip through walls like- Dammit, I can't do that!"

Random extra steps because why not? This time the coffee is placed over the top of the tank before clicking. It animates, doing a little tipping motion into the tube, and the goop-encased scientist proceeds to swim up to the top and slurps up the little blob of coffee. Once he's finished, he turns to face you again, looking a little less irritated… well, you think that's meant to be less irritated. It's hard to tell. The orange is next to be sacrificed and the motion of putting it in the top is repeated. A little 'plop' sound plays as the orange sinks towards Bubby's wide-open mouth. Wait. He's not going to just-

Yes. Yes, he is. The orange could not have imagined the terror it would face in its final moments as Bubby's maw closes around it and he swallows the damn thing whole. Unpeeled.

You're not sure what emotion you are meant to be feeling right now.

A little sloshing sound returns your attention to the screen, you can leave that emotional suitcase to be unpacked later. The goo moves as a pair of bright cyan eyes draw closer to you, peering over the top of his glasses and filled with curiosity. There's a little uncertain pause before a clawed hand presses up against the glass of the tube. He's waiting for something… you find yourself moving your mouse over to that open palm. This is… sweeter than you expected. The soft moment lasts until a few hearts fly up from Bubby… and he immediately growls at them and tries to swipe them away like a cat at a laser pointer. Well. So much for that. 

Wait. Wait wait wait. He can see the hearts? You assumed that they were just an indicator of positive reactions to you, that only you could see them, you know, for the sake of the game? Like every other dating sim? Why on earth would you have Bubby react to them as though they were a physical presence? Now you have to consider the possibility that everyone in Black Mesa just spews off little hearts when they like someone and that's just a normal thing. Do you produce little heart shapes too, can the game tell who you like? You shake yourself a bit, no, it's just a game, get a grip. Someone's clearing their throat. Pay attention.

"Well? Are you going to be useful and get me out of this damn tube?"

This game does not give you nearly as much thinking time as is necessary, considering all the bizarre shit it throws at you. Can we please have one crisis at a time, maybe? The game will ignore your silent pleas and continue.

"Uhh… are you meant to be let out Bubby? Don't you need to wait until you're fully recovered? How do we even get you out of there?"

"If I want out, I damn well want out, I will not be kept in this fucking tube like I'm some kind of sickly experiment. I'm fine, Gordon, now get over to that machine and- actually fuck that, Passport, you do it, you're way less likely to fuck up than Gordon the idiot over here"

Guess we'll just roll with this for now. Seems the machine is behind you, judging by where the finger is pointing. You move your mouse to the edge of the screen and the room starts to scroll around. That's a little disorienting (and you swear you hear a little Coomer squeal), but soon a machine comes into view. With a fuckload of buttons. You click on it and one particular panel comes into view.

At the top is a little screen black screen. "Please input release code" is displayed on it in white letters. Below that are 5 buttons, each a different colour. One of the buttons, orange in colour, has a post-it note haphazardly stuck under it, labelled 'end'. The other buttons are red, yellow, cyan and green. You assume that the release code is a particular colour pattern, that seems to make sense here. But there's no indication of what the order is, other than ending on orange. You move the mouse over each of the buttons, seeing if any of them come with a prompt or reaction from one of the characters. Nothing. You back out of the machine view and flip back towards Bubby. A little thunking sound accompanies him impatiently kicking the inside of the tube. How dangerous would it be to get the sequence wrong? Coomer did say you couldn't mess up with dialogue choices, surely this wouldn't be any different, right? Still… this is Black Mesa. And an extra messed up version of it. For all you know, the wrong order could set off nuclear bombs, blend Bubby to a paste or set the entire room on fire. Maybe you could save beforehand? Something catches your eye as you go back to the machine once more to check for anything obvious, maybe there's a note with the code on-

There's a small note sticking out from the side of the machine. Of course. You sigh and tap on it, bringing it up on your screen "Sorry, got reassigned to the daycare today! Love the little blighters. If you're my replacement, call him Bubby, not his experiment designation, he hates that and he bites. And remember breakfast, then walkies! He does not function well on an empty stomach(though who does?)! The code to let him out is- ah, just ask Dr Coomer!"

Ok, that wasn't straight up the answer but you can handle this easily enough. You're about to open the pause menu when a sudden "HELLO GOR-PASS, HELLO!" makes you jump. There are Gordon sputtering sounds and 'How did he do that?' from Bubby. Coomer slides on screen, completely unaware of the heart attacks he just caused.

"Coomer, where, where did you even come from?" is wheezed out from Gordon.

"Hello Gordon!" Coomer responds cheerily. Very helpful!

There's tutting from the tube. "You should know better than to question him, Gordon. Hello, Dr Coomer! I think Passport is struggling a bit, don't let them fuck up!" 

"Oh, of course, you must need the code! Not to worry, I can tell you right now that the code is- UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURGH" the inhuman groan that filled your ears unsettles you to the core. You've heard that before, just before the dangerous moth incident. When he was obsessively punching a corpse...

You blink a little, returning to your current surroundings. When did it get silent? Coomer is idling on the screen, happily swaying from side to side. His attention is drawn back to you. "Do you need me to repeat myself, Passport?"

Well. Yes, you do, but not if he's just going to make that god awful noise again. You select the "no" prompt and click back to the machine, hovering over the buttons once more. How many combos are there? You don't even want to think about it… guessing doesn't seem like the best idea, but it might be all you have.

Perhaps Coomer is aware you didn't understand what he said because he pipes up after a few moments of you stalling "If you find you cannot progress via the usual means, remember that we love to solve puzzles at Black Mesa! Perhaps there is an indirect way of working out the code! Hidden clues! Colour associations within our very conversations! Oh I do love a good scavenger hunt, don't you?"

Don't you? Perhaps there was a hint to the code somewhere? Maybe check the conversation log? Something there must relate to those colours, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The form is offcially closed! Anyone new is welcome to solve the puzzle and post their answer in the comments, but the interaction period is over. Shortly I'll be drawing the answers to be used (up to 5). I won't put the solution here to avoid spoiling anyone, but it is likely going to be in the comments and confirmed in the spreadsheet below, so be aware!
> 
> [ Results!](https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1uZyXdqGw_-AKzD521mxxs7lg91YLMwc3aL1C4vK22-I/edit?usp=sharing)
> 
> Previous message, saving for reasons:
> 
> {[Form Closed](https://forms.gle/RqR6FUhjRtZjvDHq6)
> 
> Got a little bit of a different interaction this time around. Can you solve the puzzle? 
> 
> My current plan is to number all the responses, then use a random number generator to pick out the ones that will be used in the fic, probably for a maximum of 5 attempts to enter the correct sequence. No response will be picked twice. If one of them is correct, then woo! Puzzle solved! Otherwise, Bubby will be none too pleased(but this is just a starter puzzle and a test to see how well this works out, so no major consequences). If it turns out this puzzle was a little too tricky, I may adjust the number of attempts there are to get it right. Will keep the responses open for at least 5 days!
> 
> Please don't spoil how you worked it out if you do! I hope you have fun with this!}


	5. Staff Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to face the music! Did you solve the puzzle? And how will Tommy react when he finally meets you? Will you finally meet the perfect dog?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Responses For The Button Puzzle For Those Who Are Interested](https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1GSlUUgyAafQv0Y2EpCStNR4K72Sx5fTQAHeShPotg28/edit?usp=sharing) Green indicates a correct input, red an incorrect one. False/True column represents if all the inputs were correct. The highlighted numbers in the final column at the side are the responses chosen by the random number generator.

Your head is pounding as you try to focus on the situation, glancing back towards Bubby, giving an awkward smile. Just hoping he doesn't notice your hand trembling as it reaches towards the buttons, don't let him know you don't have a clue. Various colour combos that maybe make sense flash through your mind. Still, it's all just random and if you mess it up, God knows what might happen to Bubby. You retract your hand once more, gulping nervously. The breath in your lungs stings and they start to crush in. This is far too much pressure for your first day, you need to stop and think. Take a deep breath and steady yourself, step back from the machine and-

Right. You're not actually there. You're sitting in a chair, playing a dating sim. The buttons are just pictures on screen. This isn't real.

Still, you'd rather get this right. What was it that Coomer said? No, not the inhuman groan, after that? Something something colour associations conversations something something? You open the pause menu, just in case there's a time limit, you don't want Bubby screaming at you for just standing there. And conveniently there's a new little option under your inventory. A "chat log". Clicking it shows all the previous messages and who said them. Everything looks pretty normal, except for an odd little space after Bubby wanted your opinion on meeting him. Maybe because the game had a moment there. You quickly scan over the messages, which reveals… very little to do with colours. What else has happened? You gave Bubby an orange, right? But orange is the one colour you already know and you don't remember feeding him any other colours. Or fruits of those colours. Nevermind that probably isn't in the chat log. Honestly, thank goodness for that clue, else you'd be spinning in circles and pointing at random objects of those colours in the hope of finding some order there- what even were those colours again?

You unpause the game and reveal those 5 buttons, the current bane of your existence. Now available in five flavours! Red, yellow, cyan, green and orange. Right. The colours do feel familiar in some way, especially the cyan. It's the same colour as Bubby's eyes and his text-

Wait. The text colours. The subtitles you saw during the main game, every character had a specific colour to help you tell them apart (they do so love to talk over each other). That cyan is 100% Bubby's and the green matches Coomer, you're sure of it. Yellow is Tommy of course and… orange is Darnold, but this one looks a little closer to the orange of the HEV suit… maybe that's why that is the fixed button. To avoid confusion? Although how the Hell that all works within the game world is beyond you. Do they know their text colours? Does everyone have subtitles automatically pop up for them, all while little hearts fly off them when they like someone? Honestly, the subtitle thing would either be super useful or really overwhelming, depending on the situation-

Hang on, you've got distracted again by the idea that this is an actual functional world and that there are reasons behind things that go beyond "It is a video game". That's not the case, these things work because of game logic or because it's funny at the time. Focus on the puzzle.

So. By this point you've met Coomer, then Gordon, Bubby and later Tommy. Green, Orange, Cyan, Yellow… except that wouldn't have orange at the end and where the fuck does red go? Who even was red? You think that rocket launch announcement voice was red (Vox, was it?), but no one's mentioned that, well except for-

Oh!

You quickly scroll through the chat log, back to when Bubby was complaining about you having to meet Gordon first.

"Well they would start with me, of course, then Coomer, then they could deal with Tommy… and then… hmm… I think The Rocket Launch Announcement Voice  **_…_ ** This is why you come last!"

Bubby, Coomer, Tommy, Vox, Gordon

Cyan, Green, Yellow, Red, Orange

You go to input the code, then falter. Surely not? Surely the code isn't 'Bubby's favourite people, by their text colour?' Why the Hell would they make that be the code, how would anyone figure that out when-

It is a video game.

You shake your head and put in the code, slowly because you still feel a little unsure about it all. You hesitate as you reach the orange button. There's been no clear feedback so far, just the same sounding beep each time you pressed a button, and none of the group have commented so far. Hopefully, they would if you actually did something bad, right? Sure let's just press the orange button before we spend all day here.

Silence. Then an odd little whirring sound as the machine activates. There are some odd goopy sounds from behind you, which you are not a big fan of.

"Tube Open Yes"

There's a splattering sound and you're finally freed from intensely staring at the machine as the camera spins around to reveal a goo soaked Bubby. He's standing where the tube once was, which must have emptied before sliding up to release him. He looks rather bedraggled right now.

"H-hey! T-turn around! Don't look at me while I'm covered in this shit!" He stammers out while waving in your direction. 

Ok ok, click on the edge of the screen and stare at a wall, you have no idea what he's doing but you do get some muttered conversation between him and Gordon through your headphones. You're not quite sure how long the game expects you to watch paint dry, but you resist the urge to check on them. Who knows what is happening, and you have no intention of triggering Bubby's rage. There's silence after the conversation winds down before the sound of footsteps indicate someone is walking over to you. Your view is swung around without your input to face towards Bubby. He's smiling, and not in an evil way. His hands seem to be flapping a little, he looks genuinely thrilled to be out of there. Hearts fly up from him again. His eyes lock onto those hearts but he doesn't try to chase these ones away.

"Thank you. Knew you could do it. I damn well hate it in there, though I'm sure you could tell"

His joy doesn't last for long, as he glances away and back towards where Gordon is. Perhaps it's pride or maybe shyness, but his face returns to a little scowl and his body stills. He shakes his head at you and then spins you once more, to face the exit.

"Alright, that's enough sappy nonsense from you. Leave this old bastard alone to his work. If you're going to act like this then get a damn move on and fawn over Tommy, before his break is over. He'll be far more receptive to that bullshit! Now now, don't protest! As much as I understand your urge to stay and marvel at me, a miracle of science, I can't spend all day fucking around with you" there's definitely a softer tone to his voice as he says that. He's pushing you on, gently. And quite literally as a few moments later you're back in the hallway. There's some grumbling and a little "You too", before a little yelp as Gordon pops back up in your view. There's the sound of the door closing as Bubby is left alone once more- wait where the Hell did Coomer go? He disappeared like he appeared. Oh well...

"Well, that was... something sure happened there! God, let's just go to the staff room, I'm sure Tommy will be thrilled to meet you!" He mutters under his breath "and won't be whatever that was"

This part all seems automatic and soon you're standing outside a door labelled Staff Room. A murmur of voices drifts out from there, none that you can particularly recognise from out here. Gordon appears on screen once more.

"Ah… sounds a little busy in there, huh? Uh. I might just. Stay out by the door here, if you're ok to go ahead alone? The other scientists tend to be… a little odd when it comes to communication, and, uh, I don't exactly handle that well. I'm sorry, I know that makes things difficult, but I didn't exactly, uh, well, this has all happened so fast and…"

Two options pop up:

It's fine, I'll head in there

Come with me

The right option seems pretty clear here. You're not going to drag a social anxious Gordon into a crowded staff room. You may not be eager yourself, but at least you aren't actually there and can pause anytime you need to. When you pick the first option, there's a little sigh of relief and a scattering of hearts.

"Thank you… means a lot. I'm sure you'll pick out Tommy easily enough and he is expecting you."

You take a few moments to steady yourself, before clicking on the door. A background of comfy armchairs and couches appears, along with a drinks machine, arcade cabinet and TV. There's a deep blue carpet and off-white walls, decorated with motivational posters, including one of a tube with the phrase "MAKE IT YOUR TUBE" on. This is not the staff room you remember from Half-Life. Maybe they got funding to do the place up? The only thing that gives away that this is the same room as before is that there's a grubby microwave with an exploded lasagna inside. Everyone seems to just be ignoring it, so you click on it to inspect it.

"In Memory Of The Frozen Meat Department"

"Bro they got the meat department? Sucks. Real cringe."

Ah, a real tragedy. No more experiments on dangerous meats. Or human ones… ok, that's enough microwave time. You switch back to the staff room and notice something energetically moving about in the background, poking up behind different scientists and then ducking away. It takes several moments for you to actually catch sight of the mysterious vanishing creature...

A jpeg dog is bouncing about the screen in the background, hopping between the scientists and barking gleefully. Oh! It's her! There she is, there's the perfect dog!

The cursor has changed to a little hand once again, this time staying that way as you move it around the screen. You can't tell what you're meant to interact with here when apparently the whole screen is available. You click about a few times and eventually double click, which makes a little whistling noise play and the hand do a "Come here" motion. Huh, this reminds you of those old pet games. The call is successful and Sunkist bounces over to the cursor and vibrates under it. The hand changes to a petting motion and with just a click and hold, you are now petting the world's most perfect dog! Well, this entire experience has been successful now, this is all you wanted in life. After a few good pets, she makes a motion and grabs your hand in her mouth. Hmm. You try to pull away, but your mouse remains stuck there, jittering slightly as you wiggle, but unable to fully break free. Well, guess you're at the mercy of Sunkist now. When you stay still for a few moments, giving up on your battle, she barks and starts making pulling motions. The screen changes and you're facing a different direction in the staff room, towards a notice board. There's a scientist staring intently at it and you can just about hear him through all the murmuring. He must be reading the notices to himself. His little propeller cap, sitting jauntily on his head, doesn't exactly match with his smart scientist attire and focused state, but it's a great reminder of your journey together and you know it absolutely suits him.

"T-the W-Wikipedia server room is, uh, is under repair… l-lost, one, one, knife… The Biological Research d-department would like to, to remind you that, that feeding the experiments is at your own r-risk and they cannot accept r-responsibility for d-dismemberment and slash or d-death. Z-zero days since d-disaster. This lab is OSHA approved- oh! Hello Sunkist, have you, you had a good time meeting everyo-"

Tommy finally turns around to face you, thanks to Sunkist's little nudges and glances in your direction. It takes a few moments, but once the recognition hits him, he breaks into a huge smile! He looks as though he's shaking in excitement, hands balled up.

"H-Hello! Y-you must be the per-person who helped us through uh Xen! I-I've really been, uh, been looking forward to meeting you, and, uh, S-Sunkist looks really pleased too!" 

There's already a little smattering of hearts from him after that, 

"W-Would it be ok if I, I finished re-reading the noticeb-board? Y-you can join me!" Sure, let's look at whatever is going on at Black Mesa now. Click on that notice board! 

Most of the notices are just squiggly line writing, with no clear message. One does stick out, it's titled "Lost" and has a picture of a very familiar-looking Cadillac… opps. Well, that sure won't be coming back anytime soon. There's also a little note at the bottom that says "Take One" with little tear-off strips, each one has a little doodle of a headcrab on. A few have already gone… eh, why the Hell not? You click and a little tearing sound plays.

A large version of the paper pops up on screen, with the words "A New Friend!" underneath. The options to "Close" or "Check Inventory" pop up. You decide to investigate a little further and go to your inventory, mousing over the drawing in your inventory. The infobox pops up.

"A drawing of a headcrab, taken from a litter of doodled crabblings in the staff room. A new little friend guaranteed not to latch onto your head and assume control!"

Well. That's. Comforting? You're not sure when or where or why you need this, but you sure have it now! Maybe it'll be of use later?

Tommy pops into your view, smiling away "Thank you, I'm all done n-now! Now, we-we can- oh, oh I'm s-so sorry! I h-haven't even, even, asked for your name! W-would you t-tell me?" 

Your options are:

Passport 

No

You get the feeling that if you pick "No" you'll start being called that. "Hello No!" "How are you No?" "Great to meet you, No!" Let's just stick with Passport before things get confusing.

"Ah! H-hello Dr Passport- oh, uh, I might, might be, be getting a-ahead of myself there! Y-you still need to, to uh, qualify as a doctor, but, but I'm sure you will! In fact, let's get that started right n-now!"

Uh. What? You don't think you can get a doctorate on the spot, and even if you already had one, is it going to be the right one? I mean what even were they doctors of? Gordon was theoretical physics, but the rest of them? You can't help but laugh a bit at the possibilities. Dr Tommy Coolatta, Doctor of Beyblades? Dr Coomer with a PhD in Wikipedia. Please, welcome to the stage the honourable Dr Bubby, Doctor of telling everyone to shut the fuck up. These ideas are ridiculous, but Darnold was working in mixology so honestly, they could all be real. Horrifying. No wonder the place was overrun by aliens.

"D-Don't worry, it's all up to regulations! Absolutely s-safe and l-legal! T-totally!" You get the feeling there might be some veiled sarcasm here. "You, you need to fill out this f-form! It's, it's a quiz, I, I guess! Just, just fill it in how you like, we'll watch and, and then we'll give you the results!"

Huh. If getting a doctorate is that easy in this world, then that explains a lot.

"M-make sure to, uh, to think f-fully about your answers. We'll be, uh, a-analysing all of your thoughts as well as the r-responses you a-actually choose!"

Well. If this wasn't just a game that would be absolutely terrifying. If the game asks you to put on the VR headset you are leaving. You don't care if it's impossible, you are not even risking it, if you do it you'll be haunted for the rest of your life about the possibility of the game knowing your thoughts, or that you might have tiny AIs hijacking your mind or that they know all your embarrassing secrets. Thankfully it doesn't ask for anything of the sort. A little sheet of paper appears on your screen with a bunch of questions. That seems to be it. Maybe it's just going to take note of how long you ponder on each answer? Eh, who knows. As you mouse over the first question, 3 little sprites, like that of pause menu mode Coomer, appear. It's Gordon, Tommy and Bubby. Mousing over different options seems to peek their interests… guess this will affect everyone's love levels?

Guess you might as well just go for it and see what happens!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Quiz Time!](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSct5LhshwlJZdNOh78SeafdHyFj5AtpUwixefJGFt2A3Jm_mQ/viewform?usp=sf_link)
> 
> Quiz closed! Will be reopened for fun later, but won't affect the story  
> 
> 
> Become a doctor, qualified to work at Black Mesa, today! Different answers will raise different character's love levels and some answers may have special effects. The actual chosen answers will be the most popular ones, but all responses will play a small role here.  
> Out of the 26 responses, there were 12 correct and the random number managed to hit one of those first time! So you managed to release Bubby first try!  
> This chapter took a little longer because I've been setting things up behind the scenes (originally this wasn't going to be interactive and I decided it would be suddenly so I'm now having to keep track of inventory, love levels, etc as that'll change things), so thank you for being patient!


End file.
